Life of a Blog : From Nebula to a Blackhole

After reading the book “The Theory of Everything” by Stephen Hawking, I believe that if he were a blogger rather than a physicist, here’s how he would define the life cycle of a Blog. If you maintain a blog, tell me which stage of the life-cycle, your blog is at.

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1. Nebula:

Star: A nebula is a cloud of gas (hydrogen) and dust in space. Nebulae are the birthplaces of stars

Blog: A nebula blog is a cloud of bright ideas and thoughts, freely wandering in space. Nebulae are the birthplace of blogs.

2. Protostar:

Star: A protostar continues to grow by accretion of gas and dust from the molecular cloud, becoming a pre-main-sequence star as it reaches its final mass.

Blog: A protostar blog continues to grow by accretion of posts and ideas from the hazy cloud of thoughts, becoming a full-fledged blog as it reaches its final readers following.

3. Red Giant:

Star: Red giants have diameters between 10 and 100 times that of the Sun. They are very bright because they are so large, although their surface temperature is lower than that of the Sun.

Blog: Red Giants have followers between 10 to 100 times that of a Protostar. They are very popular as they are so well-planned, although their frequency of posts is lower than that of a Protostar.

4. Supernova:

Star: This is the explosive death of a star, and often results in the star obtaining the brightness of 100 million suns for a short time.

Blog: This is the explosive death of a blog, and often results in a sudden spike of 1000 visits on the farewell post for a short time.

5. Blackhole:

Star: Black holes are believed to form from massive stars at the end of their life times. The gravitational pull in a black hole is so great that nothing can escape from it, not even light. Black holes distort the space around them, and can often suck neighbouring matter into them including stars.

Blog: Black holes are believed to form from massive bloggers at the end of their life times. The reader-pull in a black hole is so great that no one can escape from it, not even Justin Bieber. Black holes distort the competition around them, and can often suck other blogs into them including Red Giants.

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Save AIB Knockout: License to Offend with Consent

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Having the audacity of committing blasphemy by not just questioning but speaking against the age-old Catholic faith that the Earth is at rest and is also the center of the universe, was Galileo. Thanks to his profanity, and to his telescope that helped him observe the opposite, that we have a scientific explanation for our solar system (to some extent and definitely more believable).

In the process, he did end up offending the masses and was hurled abuses at. But who is to be blamed – the people, who were fed with a non-scientific thought that relied on traditional beliefs, convenient guesses and fads or Galileo, who exercised his *assumed* right of freedom to question a pre-fed thought and be able to prove it wrong?

Now, when I put this statement in defense of AIB Knockout, we’ll agree that they neither did something as ground breaking as defining our universe nor as offensive as questioning the Catholic Faith. Their profanity can be limited to the act of having the courage to bring the usual *light-minded* conversations that the youth in India likes to have at the social hangout locations or college canteens and upload it on a social media platform, that allows a users to choose their content with a bit more liberty than television.

If AIB were accused of not being as witty, funny and original in this video, as in all of their preceding acts, it would have still been right. This is something that they have agreed to, in an hour-long #AskAIB Hangout session, which they aired a few days after airing the main video. If AIB are accused of not putting an age filter in the video for the under 18, again the accusation seems right. However, the biggest problem is the question being raised on the very format of this show, which is about being able to roast *mock at* someone, in public but, with consent.

Homour has different forms and one form cannot be better than the other. Comedians don’t pay the audience to watch their shows; rather, the crowd pays them. The Stand-up comedians are famous for target picking people from the audience and literally, people crave for a seat that has more visibility, helping them in getting picked and being mocked at. The important thing here is the consent. The good spirit of humour that allows you to take a stab on your own self *meaning mock at yourself* and thus, be able to mock at others more vehemently.

We’re all grown ups here – the roast master is the same guy who is known for making films for families – like Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham, Dil To Pagal Hai, Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. What we saw was an act, a joke, and a performance – can we treat it like one?

Profanity, offense, insult are indeed some of the most negative words, by definitions on the oxford dictionary and also otherwise. It’s a sheer lack of vocabulary that prevents us from defining the format of shows like AIB Knockout, because of which we are forced to associate them with an act of offense. What we need to understand is that the consent to be mocked at, is a simple form of light humour. I am sure the college grads know what I’m saying. For the older ones, go back to your times and for the younger ones, you’ll know what I’m saying in a few years.

Let’s speak more about this. Speaking will help. These guys bring a smile to our face; we must help them in being able to do that more often!

Part 2/3: Chetan Bhagat to come up with an autobiography, titled “Half Knowledge”

This is a continuation to Part 1, where I have basically tried to convey that Chetan Bhagat should take some rest from writing books and then, continue taking complete rest from there on.

2nd Point of Allegation: Double Standards with a flavour of hypocrisy and pompousness

 — Let’s start with one of his latest Facebook posts. This is scary and it worries me about the choices being made by the youth of India.

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Here, in this post, you can see him trying to pitch himself in, as one of the most liked authors. I am one of those guys who like his Facebook page, just to have a good laugh at his posts. I don’t understand what gives him the confidence to assume that the majority of 6 million people who like his page, are not from my category.

Here is what his website reads:

“Chetan’s books have remained bestsellers since their release. Four out his five novels have been already adapted into successful Bollywood films and the others are in process of being adapted as well.”

Mr. Chetan Bhagat, thank you for letting us know why you write books.

To all those students who are working day and night for the IIT entrance exams, choosing him over HC Verma, is a grave mistake. Rather sharing the same shelf for keeping his books besides HC Verma, is an insult to the IITs.

— Another reference from his website:

Chetan quit his international investment banking career in 2009 to devote his entire time to writing and make change happen in the country.

What is the change he is talking about? Oh, the fact every tom dick and harry, now wants to write mindless books after graduating from the IITs?

A reference from his blog on Women’s day. He is telling women about the 5 things that they need to change about themselves. He is so sure about the fact that he has the expertise and experince to tell women how they can be better women.

“The first behaviour that needs to end is the constant desire to judge other women. Women are hard on themselves. They are harder on each other.”

<lol> Mr Chetan Bhagat, are your reference points taken from Ekta Kapoor’s television serials? Looks like it:

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Here is another word of advice from Chetan Bhagat to women:

Laughing at men’s jokes when they aren’t funny, accepting a raw deal in an office assignment or playing dumb to allow a man to feel superior are just a few occasions when you do your own kind no favor.”

Just curiosity sake: I am guessing the one who proof reads your books, especially the comic part, is a female. Is that so?

Chetan Bhagat, speaks as a self proclaimed ambassador of the Muslim community and refers to himself and his views as “us,” meaning Muslims.

Everyone seems to care for Muslims, but no one actually wants to listen to us, particularly the youth. I keep hearing political leaders promising to uplift us. I don’t know how they plan to uplift us and only us, without uplifting the nation. But then, I am a nobody, what do I know?

Here is Chetan Bhagat summing up the entire gamut of responsibilities of a homemaker to making phulkas. Much like Rahul Gandhi, he supports women empowerment!

“Really, is that what a woman’s life is all about — to make hot phulkas?

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Good or bad publicity is good publicity. I am sure you resonate with me on this, Mr. Chetan Bhagat. I did not even have to put my views to prove my allegations. Your own loose comments substantiate my point.

I rest my case here. 

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In the final part of this dedicated series of articles for Mr. Chetan Bhagat, we will just make him a request to not be the self proclaimed mascot of so many things including IITs, IIMs, Women, Muslims, Gays and lately, BJP.

Disclaimer: To Chetan Bhagat and all his fans – if you do end up reading this article then please don’t be offended. If you do get offended, I apologize. In the end, I’d just like to quote one of your tweets:

Final word on my writing: padhni hai to padho, varna kat lo.

Part 1/3 : Chetan Bhagat to come up with an autobiography, titled “Half Knowledge”..

This guy has found the trick to turn glittery, loud and low budget Indian movie scripts into books. Don’t get me wrong before I put my point. I will break my point down in 3 steps. Feel free to add your points or correct me.

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Look at the picture and then read how many times he has been quoted criticizing people!

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Point 1: Cheap Publicity 

I will take Chetan Bhagat’s help me in quoting his own statements as an evidence of this allegation.

On Father’s day : “Mother’s give birth, but ultimately the coke belongs to the guy who puts coin in the wending machine. Happy Father’s day”

On Gaza attacks: “What is happening to Gaza isn’t fair, but sadly that is the only way sometimes terrorist organizations and their supporters learn to behave” 

On Indian economy crashing: “The rupee is asking, is there no punishment for my rapists.”

In an IIT Fest: “Educated girls don’t want to date a guy who doesn’t speak English and this is what I have tried to bring out in my novel”.

Every time some idiot writes I am no Tolstoy or Tagore (never said I was) he or she acknowledges that I might deserve that comparison.

One of his articles: Another thing we are good at is not discussing any problems that have a sexual angle. [isn’t that what you do yourself?]

On modi: In Slumdog Millionaire, a chaiwallah won the top prize.The world loved that story. Remember that.

To rushdie – “I’ll not make somebody who attacks my god a hero. This is India, you cannot hurt feelings here,”

On Infosys – It is ironic when someone who runs a body-shopping company and calls it hi-tech, makes sweeping comments on the quality of IIT students, Chetan Bhagat wrote on Twitter on Tuesday.

 On Manmohan Singh: I know a PhD who remained silent when the country was robbed when he could have done so much. Education and capability are different things.

On AAP: AAP is an item girl of politics. 

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I rest my case here.

In the next point of allegation on him, we shall talk about hypocrisy, pompousness and double standards!

 

Disclaimer: To Chetan Bhagat and all his fans – if you do end up reading this article then please don’t be offended. If you do get offended, I apologize. In the end, I’d just like to quote one of your tweets:

Final word on my writing: padhni hai to padho, varna kat lo.

THE BIG BILLION [^BAKRA] DAY

The joke is on us. Play back and forth between the deal page and the payment page, and laugh out loud! First the British came and tried fooling us. Now the Indians are trying their hand at it!

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* To Be Continued: Before voicing my final thoughts, let’s wait for the day to conclude. Maybe, I will end up buying that phone at Re 1. Hoping against hope! Looks like we Indians have all the time in the world for this!

Dear Clueless Preachers Of “Organic Living”, Here’s Bursting the Bubble of Your Hypocrisy

Disclaimer : My article was Originally published  on Youth Ki Awaaz — Click Here for reference

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For all clueless preachers of Organic Living, the much hyped phenomenon can be defined as a spiritually misleading extravagant lifestyle, often sustained through forceful  dependence on products that have been made through, apparently, natural processes, thereby, thinking of this practice as a major contribution in maintaining the ecological and bio diversity balance in the world.

The question is not being raised on the effectiveness/ethnicity of organic farming at all. It is a scientifically proven approach that relies on sustainable agricultural practices like crop rotation, compost, etc. and avoids synthetic fertilizer, petrochemicals and other unhealthy activities. However, the commercialization of the whole idea is unsavoury.

It began on the note of providing a healthier living for the farmers, a greater annual crop yield with a promise of sustainability, strict avoidance of synthetic and artificial techniques of farming and an organic lifestyle for the consumers of household products. But, then the marketing demons glamorized the intent by manifold and created a fashion statement of “Being Organic.”

Image courtesy: Youth Ki Awaaz

Image courtesy: Youth Ki Awaaz

Brands like People Tree and Fab India have been successful in touching the sentimental chords of the general public in convincing them about the need of going the organic way for a healthier tomorrow. Very soon this became a status symbol for the rich who could afford to choose their lifestyle any-which-way. Once a trend becomes a status symbol, it become obligatory to follow for those who are making efforts to get classified as rich! For the middle class, it became a luxury and more of a teaser.

Ethics are often sidelined in a flourishing business and very soon the Organic Products started being replaced with semi hybrid products that do use non organic techniques but target the customers with the same emotional sentiments. It was good till we were restricted to organic medicines, cosmetic and herbs. But then it spread to organic clothes, utensil and what-not. The same lady, who flaunts a leather purse around her shoulders, makes all the fuss in the world about having only organic clothing in her wardrobe.   This further spread to the concept of organic tea that, apparently, simulates pure feelings in your soul. Most of the people I know, gulp this tea down their throat, constantly bickering and cursing for bad taste, yet hoping that pure feelings are being simulated. In the middle of this vicious circle, the intent of a healthier living has become diminished.

Let us ask a few questions to ourselves. Are we choosing brand over lifestyle, glamour over intent and profit over sustainability? In the growing industry of Organic Living, are our farmers getting any richer? Maybe a day or two with the farmers practicing organic farming will burst the bubble of hypocrisy.

Am’I’Zoned acquires “Flopkart,” says “Snoopdeal’s next!”

sharkIt came as a surprise to all, when Mr. Monopoly Desai, Managing Director of Am’I’Zoned India announced the acquisition deal with Mr. Baniya Bansal, Co-founder of “Flopkart”.  Am’I’Zoned lived up to its notorious reputation of being the big shark in the e-commerce ocean, and has also sent a strong message to the world  that “Snoopdeal’s next!” Flopkart, which recently revamped its marketing strategy from the old traditional methodologies of “customer success” to new unconventional methodologies of “customer distress”, hails this acquisition as a great milestone.

Mr. Baniya released a statement saying, “Am’I’Zoned had promised us 2 years of enjoyment period, in which we have been able to secure my next 5 generations financially. Now we should let them do what they do best i.e. Eat other businesses.” We also approached the CEO of Meantra.com about his thoughts on being acquired by someone who just got acquired themselves. He was startled, “I am so confused. Who’s my reporting manager now? I am suffering from Identity crisis.”

The most affected employees are the web spy agents recruited by Flopkart to keep a tap on the price list of the commodities being sold on Am’I’Zoned. They were responsible to report the pricing to Flopkart, which would then price the same commodity at a rupee cheaper. After the acquisition, all these agents land jobless. However, all the employees from the customer support team of Flopkart are preparing for the auditions of the next season of Rowdies.

Customers have mixed reviews about the acquisition. There are many customers who have long pending orders yet to be delivered. They are confused if the delay is because of the usual delays that Flopkart is proud of or is it because of the confusion after acquisition.

Our correspondents also approached the Mr. Kunal Behal, CEO of Snoopdeal, to ask if he felt intimidated with the happenings. He said, “For as long as possible, Bachate Raho!”

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My article also published in the Faking News: http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/09/11/amazon-acquires-flipkart-says-snapdeal-is-next/ 

Disclaimer: Please don’t make your own ideas. This is just a satire. No offence is meant to any individual or organization.But what ever is written could soon become reality.

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